The journals

Yesterday, as I was doing some major closet re-organization, I came across some old journals of mine. I flipped through them, smiling and rolling my eyes every so often. I had so many questions about certain things, and no idea what the answers would be. Well, three years have passed since I penned those entries, and the answers to most of the questions gradually became clear over those years, although I didn't realize it until yesterday.

I was still the same person, depraved and fallen except by God, three years ago, but now I am such a different depraved and fallen human. I wonder what I will be thinking three years from now when I read my current journal. Will I laugh and think, What a silly little dreamer you were back then! What aimless things you worried about! I should certainly hope not... but how can I know the future? How can I know in which ways I will change in the coming years? I simply can't, and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other any other way. For one, that would take a lot of the mystery out of life. And if I knew exactly what is going to happen, I would have no reason to trust God, unless I knew things would be getting harder.

Another facet to this post: I sometimes feel quite wise and grown up, forgetting that I am fourteen years old and still have a lot of world left to see. Going back to three years ago, I remember how grown up I thought I was, and now, only in the future, do I acknowledge my immaturity. Reading the journals has been good for me. It has been a real killer of pride and a reminder to take life at the pace God has given.

~Margaret Rowena

P.S.- Here's a happy footnote: people from three years ago that I had many uncertainties over have become my firm friends over the years- time isn't all bad.